If you’re a mom (or Dad), this article is written specifically for you. “Mom guilt” is defined by google as “the name given to feelings of guilt women experience in relation to their kids. New mothers are particularly susceptible to mom guilt. They constantly worry about making mistakes and try to get everything right. Mom guilt comes from an unrealistic ideal of a perfect mom.” From my personal perspective and the counseling chair, google defines this struggle pretty accurately. More specific examples of mom guilt might sound like this:
“What if my parenting leaves my child with resentment towards me someday?”
“What if my own issues are influencing my child, and they become anxious/short-tempered/ selfish because my qualities rub off onto them?
“What if I haven’t made enough sacrifices or lived selflessly enough for my child?”
“What if some of the choices I’ve made for my child’s schedule, health, education, etc. create short or long-term struggles for my child?”
If you relate to these examples of mom guilt or have your own examples you can identify, I’d like to highlight a few reframing statements to help you put these nagging feelings to rest.
1. There is no right or wrong with many parenting decisions. For example, young moms typically want to identify the “right” decisions for their children with food, sleep, or screen time rather than recognizing that many choices can have equally beneficial results for your child. Allow yourself to choose what is “best for you and your child” rather than what friends, books, social media, or culture suggest is “right,” and then confidently stand by it.
2. You are your child’s best parent. My worldview says that God chose you as your child’s parent, and therefore, even with your faults, you were chosen for this position and have the God-given ability to parent your child better than any other parent.
3. You are an imperfect human being. As the google definition states, it is unrealistic to assume you will be a perfect parent. Just like your child is in the process of slowly becoming a better human being, you are in the process of slowly becoming a better parent.
4. You care. Good intentions are valuable, and you probably aren’t reading this article unless you desire to do what’s best for your child. Give yourself some credit for walking this difficult parenting road that doesn’t come with a manual.
5. It’s ok if they end up in therapy. I know a lot of really great people who have been to therapy, and many who haven’t been to therapy could benefit from it. Part of life is taking the hard things we’ve been handed in life and learning how to grow and learn from them, and your child is no different.
6. Forgiveness is for parents too. If you have wronged your child, nothing is more powerful than owning and apologizing for it. Some of the healthiest relationships are built on repeat forgiveness.
