“Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.” – Brené Brown
I am writing this as a person who has attempted three different beginning sentences in the effort to have the “perfect” introduction. As I backspaced for the third time, I was hit by the irony – even those of us who know how to work against perfectionistic tendencies will find ourselves falling victim to the idea that perfection exists. In January, this issue with perfectionism can be most acutely felt. As people set great and high goals for themselves, they often find themselves slipping due to the rigidity of their expectations. If not careful, these heightened expectations for ourselves might create a level of guilt and shame when we are not reaching our extreme standard.
Perfectionism feeds us the lie that we are constantly falling short, that we could be doing better if we “tried harder”, and that if we don’t play our cards right we will lose it all. Instead of helping us, perfectionism often hinders us and causes issues such as procrastination, critical self-talk, and negative self-image. At its core, perfectionism is derived from fear. It is often scary to us due to how it distorts the truth around us.
If you find yourself falling victim to perfectionism, let’s look together at its common lies and ways to combat those with the truth.
Lie: “I can only be satisfied when my work is flawless”.
Solution: Recognize and challenge irrational thoughts. The critical voice inside often forces the belief that doing well is all or nothing. It would be impossible to always produce flawless work. By replacing our internal dialogue with more rational, realistic, and compassionate statements such as, “my work doesn’t have to be perfect in order to be acceptable”, or “I am a good worker, not a perfect worker” can help to adjust the rigidity of perfectionistic thinking.
Lie: “My effort isn’t good enough”.
Solution: If you are expecting perfection, you will often avoid tasks in order to avoid the failure of not reaching your unrealistic expectations. “Good enough” is a difficult standard to reach, due to its ambiguity. One solution is to set small, achievable goals instead of only looking at the whole picture. Every large adventure starts with small steps forward.
Lie: “I made a mistake. I am such a failure”.
Solution: Self-compassion and recognizing mistakes happen. What would you tell a friend who was experiencing these thoughts? Often we can recognize in others that mistakes are a part of life, but have a difficult time realizing these things for ourselves. Mistakes are a guaranteed part of life, not the exception.
It’s hard to not want to be perfect. I believe this desire is rooted from our being made in the image of a good and perfect God. As we experience the failings in our striving towards perfectionism, we see the way our hearts are pointing us back to union with God, where we will eventually be made new, whole, and perfect once again. But as we work towards bettering ourselves on this side of paradise, it is my hope that we would adjust our way of thinking away from a constant need for perfection, and towards a more balanced and compassionate striving for excellence.
