Dictionary definition– Webster – “forgive- to cease to feel resentment against an offender, pardon.” Ceasing to feel resentment is not usually like a switch you can turn on and off. Falls more into the category of being a process, especially if the hurt is on the more serious side.
Results of unforgiveness – Malachy McCourt said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die”. Although this is a humorous quote, the truth is loud and clear. Unforgiveness has no effect on the other person, but it can influence us. Another issue to consider is its effect on physical health. According to a National Institute of Health article, research has shown a connection between forgiveness and psychological and physical health.
Worthington describes the forgiveness process using the acronym REACH:
Recall the hurt. Recalling is meant to be beneficial, not to re-injure.
Empathize with the one that hurt you. When an individual gets to this point, they probably have started to forgive the person. What is that person dealing with right now that might be influencing them?
Altruistic gift of forgiveness- for the one who hurt you. You might have to use your imagination here. Some examples are prayer, a small gift, helping with chores, etc.
Commit to any forgiveness you experienced. Sometimes forgiveness seems to happen in parts and our will is involved. Worthington goes so far as to ask for percentages of forgiveness.
Holding onto forgiveness when you doubt. At times, we think we have forgiven, but then we see the person, and it feels like the hurt is still there. One explanation for that is explained in the following quote:
So, remember: The pain, anger, or fear that arises due to a memory or that comes from
encountering the person who hurt us once again are NOT unforgiveness. When you see
the person who hurt you and feel the negative feelings (anger, fear, sadness) pop up
again, you can remind yourself: This pain, anger, and fear I’m feeling is not
unforgiveness. It’s just my body’s way of protecting me so I won’t make the same
mistakes I made last time. (Worthington)
Worthington also delineates at least 2 types of forgiveness- willful and emotional. Willful forgiveness involves choosing to forgive the wrong. Emotional forgiveness has to do with feeling less negatively toward the person.
In conclusion, sometimes it also helps to think about these two things: What have we been forgiven for? When remembering our own hurt, we may forget times we have injured others and needed forgiveness ourselves. As Christians, the One who has forgiven us is infinitely merciful and can give the power to forgive others.
Secondly, at times, lack of forgiveness is due to pride. However, we are to forgive as we are forgiven. We think we are better than the person who hurt us and therefore they are unworthy of our forgiveness. However, none of us is worthy of forgiveness. We are all equally imperfect and liable to offend others.
For more information https://evworthington.squarespace.com/s/the-path-to-forgiveness-six-practical-sections-for-becoming-a-more-forgiving-person.pdf
